Posts
I have sticky notes everywhere of all the funny and sweet things my babies do. The goal is to get rid of the sticky notes and blog all about it. Here I am and I'm playing catch up as always. Procrastinator is my middle name after all.
Daniel had a double ear infection at 8 months old. He was particularly unruly one evening while suffering from the pain and discomfort. Normally cool-headed I became upside down. No longer cool-headed as smoke was smoldering out of my ears. My husband had been working doubles and the 2 hour long process of dinner, baths, books, bottles and bedtime became a grueling process of balancing two needy, tired and cranky babies. My daughter, barely 2 years old is quick with feelings and emotions. She can size people up in a heartbeat. She looked at me, smoke billowing from my head and backed off with her whining about which book to read before bed as my shrieking baby boy suffered through an ear spasm while trying desperately to suck on his bedtime bottle and said to me, "Stay calm Mama." She nailed it and I did stay calm. I smiled above the shrieking and looked into her sweet, round face and sparkling brown eyes. So intuitive. My little love.
While she is extremely sweet she does have a little edge in her personality. She sometimes tests her power over her little brother and will smack him upside the head just for fun. On this particular day it earned her a time out. I don't want to say Daniel has gotten used to these little outbursts, but he certainly does not carry on like he used to. Now, his feelings don't get bruised and he just marches on with what he was doing. He knows now his sister means no ill will, she is just testing. I sense he also knows that soon he will be bigger and can turn the tables around. Anyway, as Jordan wallowed in her time out and cried for her unfortunate circumstance, Daniel was intrigued by her and seemed to want to comfort her. He crawled over to her corner and pulled himself up on her leg. He pat her back and looked up at her with his big, brown eyes. She kissed him on the top of his head and said, "Sorry Danielson." My babies.
There are times you can look in someone's eyes and see the future. The other day was one of those times with my daughter. We were out back fishing and started to tumble and do cartwheels. Then I pulled out an oldie but a goodie and taught her "Ring Around the Rosie." As we both fell down on the last line we looked over at each other. Her white blond hair was pooled around her face and her full lips were pursed in a crooked grin. Her eyes glistened in the sunlight and her tan arms were spread out wide. She looked over at me and I at her. There I saw it. She was 16 years old laying out just like she was right now. The love of her life was no longer her mama but a charming young boy. They were laying in the grass looking up at the sky and pointing out the fun cloud shapes. Her future boyfriend would look her and see exactly what I saw now: a sweet, innocent, loving and beautiful girl with a heart of gold. What an insightful flash forward. What a lucky young man!
This evening I was vacuuming under the kitchen table, as I do every evening. My 9 month old baby boy loves to eat. Surprisingly, not all of it gets in his mouth. Hence the nightly vacuum routine. Tonight he was more fascinated with the vacuum than usual so I left it out for him to explore. I Windexed the table as he pulled up on the vacuum, wrapped himself around the cord and pushed it into the wall. Then he got in the back of it and pushed the power button. The vacuum turned on and my son scampered to the right and scampered to the left. He didn't know which way to go or what to do. While debating his options he pushed the button again and off it went. He looked up and me and crawled away.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Great Gifts, Great Price
December 2009. Where has this year gone? For me, it went away with a new baby, nighttime feedings, masses of dirty diapers, potty training my 18 month old to save on the masses of dirty diapers, learning to crawl for the baby, learning to run for the toddler and a crazy career change in the midst of all of it. I should have bought stock in coffee and diapers. There you have it.
I started the year a pregnant mom of a 15 month old, working as an Investment Consultant with four different offices, a protein shake in one hand, a Blackberry in the other. Somewhere between the newborn and the toddler my life changed. I did a 180. My newborn is now 9 months old and I have a sippy cup in one hand and a soiled diaper in the other. I left my career and became a stay at home mom. In a time where fellow workers are getting laid off, I volunteered to leave. Interesting. While my little ones are growing up before my eyes I am noticing that I can no longer buy that $20 Christmas tree that would be so perfect in my daughter's bedroom or the $14 matching nighttime onesies with the footies without seriously thinking about the purpose and how long it took my husband to work in order to buy that seemingly unnecessary item. That is the trade off having one parent stay at home. It's the little things. It's the little things that I get to see with my babies: my daughter kissing her brother on the head when he smacked into the cabinet he just learned how to open. My son squealing in delight and attempting to crawl faster than ever before to catch his big sister who has just taunted him with the words, "Chase me!" And then it's the little things in the store. Standing in Wal-Mart looking at these adorable red onesies with the footies that are the right size for my daughter and son. I know they would look adorable in them and I can take their picture in front of the tree for a great Christmas Card. They're only $7 each. That's the point, it's the little things. They all add up. The little smiles, the little price tags.
I started as an Independent Consultant with Avon a few weeks ago. I thought this would be a great way to help bring in some extra cash flow to help relieve some pressure and loosen up the purse strings. However, Avon has so many wonderful items I find myself spending all my profits. Ironic. The prices are so great that again, it's the little things that all add up. That's why I'm blogging right now. I figured I needed to find a way to market Avon and all of its products to a larger audience. I can find an increase in sales and my new found customers can enjoy great products at a great value.
The clock is ticking and the 25th is around the corner. Avon has hundreds of last minute gifts under $10. I just bought a matching necklace, bracelet and earrings for $19.99. Most of the jewelry is $9.99 and is great quality. My best customer told me that her boss used to give Avon gifts for Christmas every year and 10 years ago he gave her Avon earrings. She says she still wears them and they look exactly the same as they did 10 years ago.
Are you a manager or a co-worker in an office that has a Holiday party or trades gifts? You can give out lip balms and mini hand creams for just $0.99. Toss in a Purse Spray Spritzer for just $5.00 and you have an inexpensive, yet valuable gift basket that will be used on a daily basis. Avon also has fantastic skin care and beautiful makeup. My favorite makeup is the mineral makeup. It is so fresh and light with great coverage and eye-popping colors.
I just started using the Anew Clinical Expression Line Filler and the Anew Clinical Crow's Feet Corrector and couldn't be happier with the results. I have always had dry skin and I smile a lot. I wear my heart on my face. I scrunch my face up in so many different ways to express my emotions that I have three wrinkles on my forehead from where I raise my eyebrows and I have crows feet from smiling and laughing. The Anew Clinical treatments have actually left my face feeling more moisturized and now I only have two almost invisible forehead expression wrinkles! I was studying my face in the mirror after my babies went to bed wondering what was different. My skin looks younger and fresher. Then I realized the biggest improvement was my eyes. They don't look puffy and there are no lines around them. Incredible!
So that is my December 5th day: a look back on the blurred year that was captured with blogs of my babies and their amazing new feats, a career change by choice and a question with a hopeful answer of how to manage the new found stress of living on one income.
So there you have it. Check out my website: www.youravon.com/sfilakosky. Do your shopping online. Free shipping for all orders over $30. Save money. Don't fight the lines. Your gifts will be delivered to your front door. The deals are so good you can splurge for yourself too! Shopping is made easy with the tabs at the top to narrow down what you're looking for. You can even shop by gender, age and price to really find what you are looking for everyone on your list! Have fun.
I started the year a pregnant mom of a 15 month old, working as an Investment Consultant with four different offices, a protein shake in one hand, a Blackberry in the other. Somewhere between the newborn and the toddler my life changed. I did a 180. My newborn is now 9 months old and I have a sippy cup in one hand and a soiled diaper in the other. I left my career and became a stay at home mom. In a time where fellow workers are getting laid off, I volunteered to leave. Interesting. While my little ones are growing up before my eyes I am noticing that I can no longer buy that $20 Christmas tree that would be so perfect in my daughter's bedroom or the $14 matching nighttime onesies with the footies without seriously thinking about the purpose and how long it took my husband to work in order to buy that seemingly unnecessary item. That is the trade off having one parent stay at home. It's the little things. It's the little things that I get to see with my babies: my daughter kissing her brother on the head when he smacked into the cabinet he just learned how to open. My son squealing in delight and attempting to crawl faster than ever before to catch his big sister who has just taunted him with the words, "Chase me!" And then it's the little things in the store. Standing in Wal-Mart looking at these adorable red onesies with the footies that are the right size for my daughter and son. I know they would look adorable in them and I can take their picture in front of the tree for a great Christmas Card. They're only $7 each. That's the point, it's the little things. They all add up. The little smiles, the little price tags.
I started as an Independent Consultant with Avon a few weeks ago. I thought this would be a great way to help bring in some extra cash flow to help relieve some pressure and loosen up the purse strings. However, Avon has so many wonderful items I find myself spending all my profits. Ironic. The prices are so great that again, it's the little things that all add up. That's why I'm blogging right now. I figured I needed to find a way to market Avon and all of its products to a larger audience. I can find an increase in sales and my new found customers can enjoy great products at a great value.
The clock is ticking and the 25th is around the corner. Avon has hundreds of last minute gifts under $10. I just bought a matching necklace, bracelet and earrings for $19.99. Most of the jewelry is $9.99 and is great quality. My best customer told me that her boss used to give Avon gifts for Christmas every year and 10 years ago he gave her Avon earrings. She says she still wears them and they look exactly the same as they did 10 years ago.
Are you a manager or a co-worker in an office that has a Holiday party or trades gifts? You can give out lip balms and mini hand creams for just $0.99. Toss in a Purse Spray Spritzer for just $5.00 and you have an inexpensive, yet valuable gift basket that will be used on a daily basis. Avon also has fantastic skin care and beautiful makeup. My favorite makeup is the mineral makeup. It is so fresh and light with great coverage and eye-popping colors.
I just started using the Anew Clinical Expression Line Filler and the Anew Clinical Crow's Feet Corrector and couldn't be happier with the results. I have always had dry skin and I smile a lot. I wear my heart on my face. I scrunch my face up in so many different ways to express my emotions that I have three wrinkles on my forehead from where I raise my eyebrows and I have crows feet from smiling and laughing. The Anew Clinical treatments have actually left my face feeling more moisturized and now I only have two almost invisible forehead expression wrinkles! I was studying my face in the mirror after my babies went to bed wondering what was different. My skin looks younger and fresher. Then I realized the biggest improvement was my eyes. They don't look puffy and there are no lines around them. Incredible!
So that is my December 5th day: a look back on the blurred year that was captured with blogs of my babies and their amazing new feats, a career change by choice and a question with a hopeful answer of how to manage the new found stress of living on one income.
So there you have it. Check out my website: www.youravon.com/sfilakosky. Do your shopping online. Free shipping for all orders over $30. Save money. Don't fight the lines. Your gifts will be delivered to your front door. The deals are so good you can splurge for yourself too! Shopping is made easy with the tabs at the top to narrow down what you're looking for. You can even shop by gender, age and price to really find what you are looking for everyone on your list! Have fun.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Amazing Wonders
Allow me to catch up. This is the week of September 17th. The other day Daniel pulled himself to sitting from his belly and he crawled through Jordan's Hello
Kitty pink crawl-through! He also pulled himself to standing on the Little Tykes table and started waving around a piece of printer paper with one hand in the air. He was balanced on only one hand while standing!
Jordan is hit or miss with what she will "allow" him to play
with. Sometimes she will give him everything under the sun
to play with, including her cat or her "monk", and other
times she tries to take away everything from him. She's
learning. She likes to share but she fears that she won't
get it back.
She loves to mother him. The other day Daniel was crawling
around in a diaper with no onesie. She went up to him,
smelled him, crinkled her nose and said, "stink." She laid
down a piece of paper, as though it was a changing pad, and
tried to pull him onto it. Seeing how determined she was I
told her to go get a diaper from his room and we proceeded
to change him. She put the tabs on.
I told Jordan today that we would go swimming once Daniel went down
for his nap in just a little bit. She started to pull him
and when I told her not to she pointed to his room and said,
"go nap baby."
Jordan and I went to gymnastics last week and Dan and Daniel
stayed home. We were driving in the car and Jordan looked
over at Daniel's car seat. She said, "oh no, baby's all gone."
Kitty pink crawl-through! He also pulled himself to standing on the Little Tykes table and started waving around a piece of printer paper with one hand in the air. He was balanced on only one hand while standing!
Jordan is hit or miss with what she will "allow" him to play
with. Sometimes she will give him everything under the sun
to play with, including her cat or her "monk", and other
times she tries to take away everything from him. She's
learning. She likes to share but she fears that she won't
get it back.
She loves to mother him. The other day Daniel was crawling
around in a diaper with no onesie. She went up to him,
smelled him, crinkled her nose and said, "stink." She laid
down a piece of paper, as though it was a changing pad, and
tried to pull him onto it. Seeing how determined she was I
told her to go get a diaper from his room and we proceeded
to change him. She put the tabs on.
I told Jordan today that we would go swimming once Daniel went down
for his nap in just a little bit. She started to pull him
and when I told her not to she pointed to his room and said,
"go nap baby."
Jordan and I went to gymnastics last week and Dan and Daniel
stayed home. We were driving in the car and Jordan looked
over at Daniel's car seat. She said, "oh no, baby's all gone."
September 11th: A New Beginning
O.K. so I am supposed to write down 3 things that make me
happy. Of course health, wealth and love make me happy but I
need to be more specific.
First off, a tribute to 9/11 and those that lost their lives
saving others...a remembrance to those who lost their lives
carrying on to make a life for themselves and a sorrowful
bow to the survivors for their losses. What a day to have
started this new journal.
With that being said three things that make me happy: 1)
being able to be with my babies everyday and watch them grow
and play 2) family and love 3) vacations. I love taking
vacations. I always have a hard time coming back from them
though. Last weekend we were in Opaloosa Beach with Barbi,
Kayla and Shashi. I miss them! To add on to #1...today
Daniel, Jordan and I were playing in Jordan's room. Daniel
is 7 months (tomorrow) and Jordan is 22 months. Sharing is
hard to come by for her at this age so I have been
explaining what sharing means and showing her what it means by having us all take turns with a toy. Jordan was playing with a train and Daniel started to reach
for it. Jordan said, "Wait your turn. I'm playing with it
now, baby." Word for word. I couldn't believe it. She gave a
command and then reasoned why. She was right too...it was
her turn but try to reason that to a 6 month old. He got the
caboose instead and was ecstatic. Jordan got
to keep the front part of the train until her turn was up
and she was ecstatic with that. They are so awesome!
The next part is to write down 3 things that I did well
today. Normally I am very regimented and intense about
schedules. Because of our vacation last week I am more
relaxed...not only because of the vacation itself but
because Barbi brings out the better, more relaxed and calm
version of myself. Therefore, one thing that I did
particularly well today was enjoying bedtime. After both
babies were ready for bed I spent about half an hour on the
family room floor with them just talking, being silly and
reading books before bed. We said "goodnight" to the pink
pool and told stories about bath bubbles. 2) I cleaned the
house and got completely "ready for tomorrow". Lately I have
been going to bed with the house a mess and I wake up a mess
with yesterday's problems and unfinished business. Won't
happen tomorrow! 3) Doing three things well in one day is
harder than it would appear. Hmmm...what else? I took Jordan
to gymnastics and we had a great time. I took both babies
swimming in the pool and that was fun. I only ate one plate
of Creamy Chicken that mom made instead of two. I re-focused
for tomorrow. Guess that about sums it up.
That's my journal assignment for the day. I need to do this
everyday along with cleaning the house and preparing for the
next day. So far so good. They say if you do something for
21 days it becomes a new habit. I can't seem to do anything
for that long except procrastinate. I still have to email my
online professor to grade my two assignments again. And of
course there is that pesky mermaid book. This would be funny
if it were a reality show instead of my life. Hmmm....good
night journal.
happy. Of course health, wealth and love make me happy but I
need to be more specific.
First off, a tribute to 9/11 and those that lost their lives
saving others...a remembrance to those who lost their lives
carrying on to make a life for themselves and a sorrowful
bow to the survivors for their losses. What a day to have
started this new journal.
With that being said three things that make me happy: 1)
being able to be with my babies everyday and watch them grow
and play 2) family and love 3) vacations. I love taking
vacations. I always have a hard time coming back from them
though. Last weekend we were in Opaloosa Beach with Barbi,
Kayla and Shashi. I miss them! To add on to #1...today
Daniel, Jordan and I were playing in Jordan's room. Daniel
is 7 months (tomorrow) and Jordan is 22 months. Sharing is
hard to come by for her at this age so I have been
explaining what sharing means and showing her what it means by having us all take turns with a toy. Jordan was playing with a train and Daniel started to reach
for it. Jordan said, "Wait your turn. I'm playing with it
now, baby." Word for word. I couldn't believe it. She gave a
command and then reasoned why. She was right too...it was
her turn but try to reason that to a 6 month old. He got the
caboose instead and was ecstatic. Jordan got
to keep the front part of the train until her turn was up
and she was ecstatic with that. They are so awesome!
The next part is to write down 3 things that I did well
today. Normally I am very regimented and intense about
schedules. Because of our vacation last week I am more
relaxed...not only because of the vacation itself but
because Barbi brings out the better, more relaxed and calm
version of myself. Therefore, one thing that I did
particularly well today was enjoying bedtime. After both
babies were ready for bed I spent about half an hour on the
family room floor with them just talking, being silly and
reading books before bed. We said "goodnight" to the pink
pool and told stories about bath bubbles. 2) I cleaned the
house and got completely "ready for tomorrow". Lately I have
been going to bed with the house a mess and I wake up a mess
with yesterday's problems and unfinished business. Won't
happen tomorrow! 3) Doing three things well in one day is
harder than it would appear. Hmmm...what else? I took Jordan
to gymnastics and we had a great time. I took both babies
swimming in the pool and that was fun. I only ate one plate
of Creamy Chicken that mom made instead of two. I re-focused
for tomorrow. Guess that about sums it up.
That's my journal assignment for the day. I need to do this
everyday along with cleaning the house and preparing for the
next day. So far so good. They say if you do something for
21 days it becomes a new habit. I can't seem to do anything
for that long except procrastinate. I still have to email my
online professor to grade my two assignments again. And of
course there is that pesky mermaid book. This would be funny
if it were a reality show instead of my life. Hmmm....good
night journal.
September 12th: A New Week of Memories
Well Daniel is officially crawling today and he is exactly 7
months old today. He has been creeping for the past several
weeks and doing his downfacing dog yoga position, but today
he crawled. I put Jordan on her couch to watch Max and Ruby
and I put Daniel on the blanket near her to play with his
toys. I went to his room to get his nighttime outfit and a
diaper and I came out and he was on her couch and she was
headbutting him clearly upset that he was trying to invade
her beloved couch and "baba" time. I moved him off the couch
and crouched next to her to explain why headbutting is not
acceptable and he was immediately back on her couch! That's
when I realized he was completely crawling and fast! He just
needed to want it bad enough and boy did he ever want to
snuggle up with his big sister on her couch!
I took him into the front room with a bag of grapes and a
telephone and he wanted each item bad enough to crawl fast
and well to get to them. We realized just today that Daniel
loves grapes!
Today Jordan went to gymnastics with Dan because I took her
yesterday. After her nap we went to Pump It Up for the first
time for Brett's birthday party. She bounced and Daniel
played on some mats and stair mats.
Dan worked a night shift tonight so when he left for work
the three of us went to Books a Million to the "choo choo
train." We played there and then we went to the fountain.
Jordan met a boy who was almost 4 but barely taller than
her. His sister was 9 days younger than Jordan. Jordan
started chasing the litte boy and the litte girl started
chasing her brother. The three of them were instant friends.
At one point, Jordan fell down in the "flowers" and she
reached her hands up for someone to help her up. He went to
her rescue and pulled her out of the bushes. It was adorable!
So my assignment is still on. Three things that make me
happy. 1) watching Daniel and Jordan play so well together.
In the car she makes faces and laughs and squeals with
delight. He belly laughs too. It's amazing how well they get
along already. (Even with the small sharing issue...we're
getting there) 2) Trying new things and watching them learn
and grow from the experience. Pump It Up was brand new to
both of them. When I first put Daniel on the mats he
scrunched up his face in fear and started to cry. I laid
down on the mats with him and patted his butt (always calms
him down) and showed him how much fun it was. He quickly
turned that frown upside down and started to experiment with
the mats and the stair mats. When Jordan first went in a
blow up bouncer she was frightened and only wanted to be
held and watch the others bounce while Dan or I bounced
with her. By the end she actually went in a bouncer
all by herself and bounced around and threw balls at the
other, older kids. She also went down the big slide by
herself! 3)Hanging out with Dan makes me happy. We had a lot
of fun together today. We got some laffy taffy (actually it
was for Jordan...but hey) and we were cracking up at the
jokes. Why did the pig want to go in the kitchen? It felt
like bacon. What has 10 letters and starts with gas? An
automobile. What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What is a buckaneer? Expensive corn. That one cracked us up once it clicked. Say buckaneer slowly. How do you get an alien baby to sleep? You rocket. So those are three things that make me happy.
Three things that I did well today. 1) My mom came over
after the babies were asleep and helped me sew a black cover
up on a new dress that dipped too low. I sewed my side so
well that we undid her side and I did that too! It was hard
for her to see it because it was black on black and the
sewed on piece was straight but the dress top was curved. 2)
I gave all my love all the time and 3) I really worked at
trying to see the good in everyone. I did not judge others.
That's my day. It is rather fulfilling when I write it down
on paper to see all the growth in not only my babies, but in
me as well.
months old today. He has been creeping for the past several
weeks and doing his downfacing dog yoga position, but today
he crawled. I put Jordan on her couch to watch Max and Ruby
and I put Daniel on the blanket near her to play with his
toys. I went to his room to get his nighttime outfit and a
diaper and I came out and he was on her couch and she was
headbutting him clearly upset that he was trying to invade
her beloved couch and "baba" time. I moved him off the couch
and crouched next to her to explain why headbutting is not
acceptable and he was immediately back on her couch! That's
when I realized he was completely crawling and fast! He just
needed to want it bad enough and boy did he ever want to
snuggle up with his big sister on her couch!
I took him into the front room with a bag of grapes and a
telephone and he wanted each item bad enough to crawl fast
and well to get to them. We realized just today that Daniel
loves grapes!
Today Jordan went to gymnastics with Dan because I took her
yesterday. After her nap we went to Pump It Up for the first
time for Brett's birthday party. She bounced and Daniel
played on some mats and stair mats.
Dan worked a night shift tonight so when he left for work
the three of us went to Books a Million to the "choo choo
train." We played there and then we went to the fountain.
Jordan met a boy who was almost 4 but barely taller than
her. His sister was 9 days younger than Jordan. Jordan
started chasing the litte boy and the litte girl started
chasing her brother. The three of them were instant friends.
At one point, Jordan fell down in the "flowers" and she
reached her hands up for someone to help her up. He went to
her rescue and pulled her out of the bushes. It was adorable!
So my assignment is still on. Three things that make me
happy. 1) watching Daniel and Jordan play so well together.
In the car she makes faces and laughs and squeals with
delight. He belly laughs too. It's amazing how well they get
along already. (Even with the small sharing issue...we're
getting there) 2) Trying new things and watching them learn
and grow from the experience. Pump It Up was brand new to
both of them. When I first put Daniel on the mats he
scrunched up his face in fear and started to cry. I laid
down on the mats with him and patted his butt (always calms
him down) and showed him how much fun it was. He quickly
turned that frown upside down and started to experiment with
the mats and the stair mats. When Jordan first went in a
blow up bouncer she was frightened and only wanted to be
held and watch the others bounce while Dan or I bounced
with her. By the end she actually went in a bouncer
all by herself and bounced around and threw balls at the
other, older kids. She also went down the big slide by
herself! 3)Hanging out with Dan makes me happy. We had a lot
of fun together today. We got some laffy taffy (actually it
was for Jordan...but hey) and we were cracking up at the
jokes. Why did the pig want to go in the kitchen? It felt
like bacon. What has 10 letters and starts with gas? An
automobile. What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What is a buckaneer? Expensive corn. That one cracked us up once it clicked. Say buckaneer slowly. How do you get an alien baby to sleep? You rocket. So those are three things that make me happy.
Three things that I did well today. 1) My mom came over
after the babies were asleep and helped me sew a black cover
up on a new dress that dipped too low. I sewed my side so
well that we undid her side and I did that too! It was hard
for her to see it because it was black on black and the
sewed on piece was straight but the dress top was curved. 2)
I gave all my love all the time and 3) I really worked at
trying to see the good in everyone. I did not judge others.
That's my day. It is rather fulfilling when I write it down
on paper to see all the growth in not only my babies, but in
me as well.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Life Changes and Decisions
I used to be a productive member of society, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend. Now, I am a mother. The Merriam-Webster dictionary online defines a mother as,
"1 a : a female parent b (1) : a woman in authority; specifically : the superior of a religious community of women (2) : an old or elderly woman
2 : source, origin
3 : maternal tenderness or affection
This is just the tip of the sword. This is my story of motherhood and what being a mother means to me and my collection of memories that will last a lifetime.
I used to think I was so savvy about life and love. I thought I knew what love was when I finally started dating this guy I had a crush on since I was 10 years old. I thought I knew what real heartbreak and devastation was when I went off to college and left him home for us to figure out our dreams and plans on our own. We were madly in love (sometimes literally) and we thought we had it all figured out. So, when we got married we assumed we would live happily ever after and that the most special and important day of our lives was our wedding day. Boy were we happy and clueless.
We traveled, spent money, bought houses and sold houses. We made good decisions. We made bad decisions. We spent time with family and friends and we mostly only thought about ourselves. It wasn't a bad thing. We had no one else to take into consideration. We could travel and we could afford to be somewhat frivolous. We were married for 5 years when the topic of children came up. We had friends and family who had babies and kids and we thought they always looked busy and somewhat harried. We thought they were tied down with obligations and tied up by their purse strings. So we talked about not having children. We left it at that for almost 2 years.
Then we went to Maui for my college roommates destination wedding. That was an amazing vacation. We did everything we wanted to do from submarine cruises to helicopter tours and being barefoot at the beach. Two days before we had to come home we realized I was "late" and we were actually excited. We thought it would be fun to be pregnant and have a baby. We had a lot of fun together and we loved our freedom, but we thought it would be fun to play with a new toy so to speak. I think that's how we thought of parenthood in the beginning. A baby was a new toy to pamper and figure out and learn and love. It turns out I was not pregnant and we were sad so our wheels started turning. By the time we got home we decided we were ready to have a baby.
Three months later, on January 16th, my dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack. That was a day that changed my life. My world was torn apart. I have never lost someone so close to me. I had never before felt that pain and loss of realizing and knowing that I will never again be able to talk to him or hug him or have him there to help me when I needed guidance. To make matters worse his life was rather complicated with his girlfriend, his ex-wife and his money matters. My husband, my brother and I were put to a level of stress we had never known. We tried to keep the peace and we tried to manage his life and walk in his shoes. We were blown away by his juggling act. It took us over a year to tie up all the loose ends, but during that time I had something to keep my mind preoccupied. I became pregnant three months after our vacation to Maui, the same month my Dad died.
I was mourning the loss of my dad and yet I was overjoyed to be pregnant. I knew that I needed to be there for my baby. I needed to nourish my baby in the womb and provide a place for my baby to grow with as little stress as possible. This was extremely difficult and there were times I was terrified that the stresses of my dad's life and closing his estate and the stresses of my management position at the bank were causing harm or distress to my baby. Fortunately, I had an amazing pregnancy. I had no nausea and no pregnancy aches or pains. I carried my daughter to 42 weeks gestation when I was finally induced. October 20th was one of the days that changed my life. My daughter was born 8 pounds 13.5 ounces and 21 3/4 inches long. She was beautiful and she was sweet tempered. The nurses told us that immediately. They said she was mild mannered and inquisitive. They hit the nail on the head.
My daughter is now 2 years old. We celebrated her birthday the other day with friends, family and pumpkin carving. Watching her run around and be deliriously happy and full of energy and life is completely joyful and exhilerating yet haunting. I remember times in my life when I was so happy and full of life. I didn't know that there were so many dangers lurking around the corner. I do know. We all do. It's a part of life. It's what becoming a grown up is. Learning your boundaries, learning right from wrong and learning to question motives. I think that's why we all still strive to keep that child inside of us. The inquisitve, trusting, loving child. I want my daughter to have that for as long as possible. I want to be her guardian and her protector without her knowing my fears. That's part of what being a mother is to me: letting her be a child and be innocent and beautiful for as long as possible while all the while I am making sure that her path is clear and free of dangers.
Two weeks ago a sweet, inncoent and beautiful young girl was abducted while walking home from school with a group of friends. She got ahead of the group because of a disagreement. Three days later her body was found in a dump. Years ago, before I had children I would have thought that was "terrible" and "what a tragedy". Today, I can actually feel a portion of that mother's pain. My heart and my prayers go out to her and her family. It is times like that and situations like that that you embrace your family and you thank God for your health and your happiness. Then, you put on your protective motherwear and you vow to try to protect your children from those dangers.
But I digress. I have gotten away with myself. After my daughter was born my husband and I tossed around the idea of when to have another baby. Should we wait awhile or should we have them close together? Seven months after my daughter was born our fate was decided for us. We were pregnant again . I was so excited that I already had a girl so deep down I thought it would be wonderful to have a boy. However, I was pretty sure that I was pregnant with a girl and I was overjoyed at that too. I couldn't believe how much fun our baby girl was and I knew that another little girl would be twice as fun and sweet. In September we found out we were having a boy! I couldn't believe it! How wonderful! One of each. Everyone told us we had the Rich Man's Family. Boy were they wrong.
I had another perfect pregnancy. No nausea, no pregnancy aches or pains. I weighed exactly the same when I delievered my daughter as when I delievered my son. My belly looked exactly the same. There were no differences as far as how I carried or how I looked. I did get more heartburn with my son than with my daughter. That's it. That was the only difference.
My son was born on February 12th. Another life changing day for me. He was born 8 pounds 14.5 ounces and 22 inches long. He was handsome to begin with. He was all boy. He had broad shoulders and narrow hips. He was intense and cuddly at the same time. He knew what he wanted and he would get our attention to make sure that we knew too. Then he would cuddle and look up at you with those intense steely blue eyes. Yes, his eyes did end up changing to a golden brown that sometimes twinkle green in the sunlight.
Now I was a mother two times over. As my mother in law once explained your love doesn't divide it multiplies. Whew, it really does. Remember when I said I thought I knew what love was? I had no idea until I realized that I was the mother of these two amazingly beautiful and innocent babies. My love for my babies grows every day. Every day as I learn who they are and the beauty that is their soul, I love them more and more. As a mother and father it was bestowed upon us to provide for them, offer them guidance and safety, boundaries and guidelines and most of all love and nurturing to develop their ideas and their experiences and their love of life and one another. This was it. This was true, unconditional love. There was nothing, there is nothing that will ever change or diminish my love for my babies. I realized that my husband's and my love was just the foundation for our family. It was just the tip of the sword.
Someone once told me that life is made up of a few days that change your path and decide your fate and your reaction to life and all of its glory and unknown. In my adulthood the days that have changed and shaped my life start with our marriage, the death of my father, the birth of our daughter and the birth of our son. These days have changed and shaped my life and my future to come. The next segment will focus on the defining day and the months that followed when we decided that I would leave my career and stay home with my babies.
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